Further Reflections on the New Year

I’ve read so many self-help books, so many do-it-yourself fix-me books. But very few have made any lasting impression. Why I wonder? Those that speak to a specific task – quitting smoking, getting exercise, eating in more healthy ways – do indeed give me tips and ideas about how to accomplish any of that. Those that speak to more esoteric ideas – changing my attitude, reinventing my life – often leave me feeling stupid and inadequate. 

I’ve recently realized that I’m narrowing my reading, leaving much of the DIY stuff behind, reading only those who tell me that who I am now is a good thing. Thich Nhat Hanh springs to mind. Leo Baubata (zenhabits.net). Henri Nouwen. These authors advocate change, it’s true, and tell you how to achieve it. But, for the most part, they accept the fact that I am I, and while not without fault, there’s some sort of perfection in that. 

So what does this have to do with the New Year? I’ve already told you my resolution for this year – to look forward, rather than back. That’s it. No elaborate plans for my weight, my smoking, my writing. I begin to think that if I let go of the need to make huge changes, I may be able to start making some of the small changes that are important to me. So here I am, writing a little bit. A good change. No real preparation, no “getting my mind right,” just doing. 

Perhaps that’s the secret. Just doing. A little here, and a little there. I appended a poem to my last post – that took huge courage on my part. Just to let a few people see it was very scary. But less scary to have 10 or 12 people read it, than to think about hundreds of people seeing it. 

Earlier this week I gathered my courage and called an acquaintance to ask for his help in my job search (which he was more than willing to give). I could not have done that a year ago. So I am changing, but on my schedule, with my needs in mind, and in ways that make sense to me and don’t abandon the “who” that I already am. 

I wish everyone a New Year filled with discovery of their true selves, and happiness for what has been, and what will come. 

Thinking of Summer

In the shade,
Watching sheets of sun
Illuminating other places.